I’ll start off by saying that entering this restaurant, I was greeted at the door by two visibly disgruntled customers. One of them told me flat out: “Worst food ever. They changed their management.” As much as I appreciated the tip, I wasn’t going to let this Sour little Cindy stop me from sitting down and deciding for myself. I’d rather make my own conclusions.
Having never been to Marina’s, I was intrigued to see large throw pillows lining the walls at every table. The blue, white, and grey colour scheme was complemented by marble tiled walls and weird looking plants.
Lots of weird looking plants.
It’s an interesting theme, although it felt more like an orgy sex club or an emperor’s opium den than a restaurant.
Most restaurants have a satellite radio station or a specific playlist that plays various music suited for their style and clientelle.
Here they play ABBA. And I don’t mean mixed into a playlist. At Marina’s it’s ABBA all night long. On repeat.
The food was decent. The service was awkward. Considering all the pillows, I was actually quite excited to take a look at the men’s room. I was anticipating a cushiony, intimate space well suited for private moments of comfort. And more plants.
Here’s what I found instead.
As soon as I enter this restroom, it’s not hard to see that the new management of Marinas are taking on a real fixer-upper.
I’m greeted by a fascinating scene that combines the recently renovated with the dear god replace me, already.
And replace, they have! Directly to my left is a very sleek looking urinal manufactured by Canada’s own Crane Plumbing Corporation!
The Cromwell 7397 is a porcelain beauty, coated with vitreous china and includes integral extended shields.
And even if I don’t actually know what any of that means, it sounds pretty darn impressive. It’s still so fresh, they haven’t even put in the celebratory cake yet.
Unfortunately, it looks like they decided to let someone’s unemployed nephew do the installation. The flush valve looks like someone was paid with a case of beer to do the work.
I’m definitely not saying I could have done a better job, especially considering I never even learned how to use a protractor, but I feel like someone here didn’t pass Drill Basics 101.
Combined with the framed Homesense painting that says caffè (“See? We’re still Italian in here!”), this pisser makes for a pretty patchy presentation.
In addition to the new ceramics, it appears that we have a newly constructed stall! It looks like the grown-ups took care of the handy-work this time.
I’m not sure what the old stall looked like, but I’m going to assume that it was due for a replacement after
being kicked in by a drunk truck driver years of general wear and tear.
Either way, that lumber gives me the impression that someone put some love into this project, even if the door has no outside handle. You might want to bring some tweezers, in case you pick up any splinters on your way in.
And stepping inside this recycled computer desk, the crapper is clean, and the paper dispenser is full! Marinas also has their toilet-tool arsenal proudly on display. Ready for any situation that might get sticky. Well, three situations I guess.
Now, most people might not notice this next minor detail right away, but since I’m a disgusting freak who reviews restrooms (see also: “detail oriented”) I can see that these ceilings are looking pretty soggy.
The bare, uncovered, florescent lighting decorated with duct-tape blasts its bright beam onto my face as my squinting eyes notice stains everywhere.
These tiles look as if someone upstairs was trying out their new wood chipper on human limbs. But since I know how hard it is to keep a roof over my own head, I’ll do Marinas a favour and offer my expertise.
Heres a free Latrine Scene tip that’ll help Marinas make the most of their bathroom-business bucks!
With a little creativity and some healthy optimism, this restroom can be the beach getaway that’ll have their customers coming back for a second wipe.
Maybe they can set up a lounge chair, and even continue their pillow theme!
All they would need to do is post a sign: “Extended amounts of time in this facility may cause lung infections from black mold, but please enjoy our sunscreen scented hand soap.”
Okay, so I know this isn’t Love it or List It, so I have to conclude by saying that this restroom was actually passable. It kind of has a Frankenstein thing going on, but I wasn’t mortified to use it by any means.
Kudos on the workmanship, Marinas. See you in shop-class!
Toilet Paper Rating: 2/5